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As it has been said countless times, all bad things come to an end. To the great sadness of the Jerk Lab and to the great relief of the More-Civilized Lab, Anderoo the Acerbic is sailing off to the small country of Micronesia. No, not a Microwaved Indonesia – just a much, much smaller version of it. There will be more celebration than lament, for sure, but there will still be bemoaning at this loss within the Jerk Lab.
“I don’t know how we’re going to keep up,” remarked Benenate the Betrayer, head of the Jerk Lab. “He was like the King of the Jerks. Hey, between you and me, although I’m the Head Jerk, I felt like peasant in his midst. A peasant!”
“Waaaahhhh!” Bhab the Backhanded cried. “Waaaaahhhh!”
“What’s wrong, Bhab? Do you miss Anderoo’s contributions to the Jerk Lab already?” I asked in a very reporter-like fashion (because I’m a reporter).
“No!”
“Then what did he do, Bhab?!”
“He personally insulted me, invaded my territory, made physical contact – even thought it was completely uninvited, intimidated me both verbally and non-verbally, made a sarcastic joke at my expense, hit me with a status slap, shamed me in public, rudely interrupted me, carried out a two-faced attack, gave me a dirty look, and treated me as if I was invisible,” Bhab blubbered.
“Good Lord! That’s a laundry list of jerkiness!”
“I’m not invisible! Oh, and he sent me a withering e-mail. #$^& that Anderoo!”
Well, maybe everyone won’t miss Anderoo in the Jerk Lab.
“Anderoo, do you have any parting words before your ship leaves dock for Micronesia?” I asked Anderoo point-blank.
“Yeah, as a matter of fact I do,” he replied pointedly. “Actions speak louder than words!”
“Huh?” Then Anderoo pushed me over and into the water.
“So long, suckers!” he laughed.
Since I was gone, Bhab filled in: “This is Bhab the Backhanded, reporting for the Warren G. Report. Hold on a second – what’s this? Oh… another withering email from Anderoo.”
Anderoo will sorely missed!! Thank you for covering this story and keeping us informed of current happens in the jerk lab.
How will they carry on? : (
I’m not sure what the Jerk Lab is going to do now! I remember Benenate once saying that Anderoo was a “Jerk’s Jerk.” Nothing is higher on the Jerk scale than a Jerk’s Jerk. If they close up shop, them I’m out of a job reporting on the Jerk Lab! I’ll have to start reporting on flea troop movements, amazing garage sales, and (gag) the weather.