Question
Dear WGR,
I love playing video games, especially games like Dragon Age and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Unfortunately, my wife is not supportive of my gaming habits and, well, starts fires whenever I try to play.
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It all began one night a few months ago when I fired up a session of Modern Warfare 2. Maybe a few minutes into the game, I started to smell some smoke. Well, wouldn’t you know it, the curtains in the upstairs bathroom were just out and out engulfed. So I race up there, my wife is screaming, and I’m bewildered. Eventually, I was able to put out the fire with an extinguisher. My wife claimed she had no insight into what might have happened.
A few days later, I tried to play a bit of Dragon Age. All of a sudden, my wife is screeching that the kitchen rug is all alight. So I throw down the controller, dash into the kitchen and look for the extinguisher. Imagine my shock when I learned that the extinguisher had not a drop left in it, as if it had been completely drained between then and the previous fire! We ended up having to destroy a perfectly good pair of blankets to put out the kitchen rug fire.
I had strongly suspected my wife of foul play, but she took umbrage at the very suggestion. My face was red from embarrassment and a hardy slapping. What could I do?
A week later, I thought of playing a game of Modern Warfare 2 during the evening, while my wife slept. I had cooked a special turkey and wine dinner earlier on in the hopes that the deal would be sealed. For about two hours it was smooth sailing. Then the smoke alarms blared and I could see the flashing firetruck lights beaming into my window.
What is to be done in a situation like this?
Sincerely,
Putting Out Fires
Answer
Dear Putting Out Fires,
I have two suggestions for sneaky night gaming. One, special order a breathing dummy that can take your place in bed while you’re “sleeping” — have you ever seen Indiana Jones? It has to be a flawless swap. Next, you’re going to have to move onto somewhat less natural means for increased sleepiness at night. There are a couple of schools of witchcraft in the Prison Town area that know a couple of good sleep spells that you can try casting on your wife. Is it worth it? It’s up to you.
Sincerely,
Warren G.
This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 2:33 PM and is filed under Ask WGR. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.