Question
Dear WGR,
I have a two-fold question letter for you. First, what is trickenosis and why is it getting such a bad rap all the time? Also, on a recent visit to a family-favorite restaurant, I was accused of being a racist by some people at another table all because I declined the fried ice cream that was included with my meal. But I don’t like fried ice cream.
Sincerely,
Dislikes Fried Ice Cream
Answer
Dear Dislikes Fried Ice Cream,
Trichinosis is the pig’s way of exacting revenge much in the way that Montezuma did — long after they were dead, which is pretty amazing, if you ask me. Each pig, when faced with certain death in the slaughter house, for the most part knows what the deal is. They understand that they’re going to end up as bacon, ham, pork chops, pork grinds, etc. Thus, many elect the option of poisoning themselves silly so that when they end up on the dinner table, the people who eat them get what was coming to them — trichinosis.
He might get the last laff.
On the fried ice cream front, I would strongly recommend attending advanced sensitivity training.
Sincerely,
Warren G.