You can learn a lot from a Taggie.
Taggie Wisdom
March 22nd, 2010It’s A BARGAIN??
March 9th, 2010Undeniably, the Logitech Z-2300 2.1 speaker system is one of the happy mediums of audio setups for home theater or gaming (if not the one and only). It’s clean, has an ample two-hundred watts to work with, and it’s reliable. Right now, you can buy one of these speakers on sale at Newegg for $149.25, down from its “original” price of $164.25. The sale is being billed as a “blowout bargain”.
But that’s funny, because I recall purchasing one of these in December of 2005 (not on sale) for $94.98. And again as a gift in December of 2007 for $105.00, also not on sale.
Thanks a lot, China!
Update: Now it’s back to $164.25. You missed it, people. You missed the blowout.
Ticket Gold Mine
March 3rd, 2010There are those who need to touch the burning of the stove before what they’ve learned in traffic school sinks into their thick heads. I’m talking about traffic circles here, where apparently very few people know how to get into one the right way. Where are the cops? There’s your ticket gold mine! Sure, the lazy ones would rather sit in speed traps and write a single ticket every ten or fifteen minutes. But the go-getting police cops out there would have nothing short of a field day if they staked out any of the local traffic circles.
Some serious suggestions:
- Triple, no quadruple the size of the yield signs. I’m not kidding.
- Put high-powered, red and white strobe lights on the borders of the yield signs.
- Install road spikes that shoot up when an approaching car is already in the circle, and only goes down when the said car has safely passed.
- Stop giving driver’s licenses to Taggies already! You wouldn’t give a drivers’ license to a bear or poodle, so why give one to a Taggie?
What’s a Taggie? Show More Text
Ask WGR: Trickenosis & Fried Ice Cream
February 22nd, 2010Question
Dear WGR,
I have a two-fold question letter for you. First, what is trickenosis and why is it getting such a bad rap all the time? Also, on a recent visit to a family-favorite restaurant, I was accused of being a racist by some people at another table all because I declined the fried ice cream that was included with my meal. But I don’t like fried ice cream.
Sincerely,
Dislikes Fried Ice Cream
Answer
Dear Dislikes Fried Ice Cream,
Trichinosis is the pig’s way of exacting revenge much in the way that Montezuma did — long after they were dead, which is pretty amazing, if you ask me. Each pig, when faced with certain death in the slaughter house, for the most part knows what the deal is. They understand that they’re going to end up as bacon, ham, pork chops, pork grinds, etc. Thus, many elect the option of poisoning themselves silly so that when they end up on the dinner table, the people who eat them get what was coming to them — trichinosis.
He might get the last laff.
On the fried ice cream front, I would strongly recommend attending advanced sensitivity training.
Sincerely,
Warren G.
Ask WGR: Video Game Fires
February 15th, 2010Question
Dear WGR,
I love playing video games, especially games like Dragon Age and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Unfortunately, my wife is not supportive of my gaming habits and, well, starts fires whenever I try to play.
Read On:
Show More Text
Ask WGR: National Landmark
February 12th, 2010Question
Dear WGR,
The Warren G. Report has been for me and my family, and for all the other families out there, a national landmark. Maybe even a national treasure. It’s like the Washington Monument, but doesn’t take up a whole bunch of space or constantly try to stab at the sky and its clouds.
Sincerely,
National Landmark Enjoyer
Answer
Dear National Landmark Enjoyer,
That’s not a question, my friend. Still, the Warren G. Report has been around longer than the Washington Monument or the Grand Canyon, only it didn’t have any content published to it until around March of 2007. America loves its national treasures. Whereas the Hoover Dam holds back a good many gallons of the waterworks, the WGR releases the waterworks, as millions of Americans weep in an overwhelming rush of joy every time there is a new posting. Plus, you don’t have to risk losing your luggage every time you visit the WGR. That’s just plain remarkable in and of itself.
Sincerely,
Warren G.
Ask WGR: Bad Tinnitus
February 7th, 2010Question
Dear WGR,
I suffer from bad tinnitus. Sometimes my ears ring so loud at night, my dogs start to howl. What’s going on here?
Sincerely,
Suffering Through The Cacophony
Answer
Dear Suffering Through The Cacophony,
I would say that there is no good tinnitus, first. Further, tinnitus is often the conscience making a last-ditch effort to get your attention. The reason why you hear it at night is because the conscience usually sleeps during the day. The dogs howling probably means that they’ve aided you in the same crime that you’ve committed (robbery? murder?), so their consciences are bothering them, as well.
Please turn yourself in. And the dogs.
Sincerely,
Warren G.
Fejj’s Battle
February 5th, 2010PODCAST:
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Click below to see the transcript:
Freakin’ Amazing Facts
February 3rd, 2010Hitler’s favorite cookie was peanut butter.
The wind pipe is always the wrong pipe.
Something amazing is coming to the Warren G. Report this Friday. It’ll be treemendous!
Ask WGR: Resisting Prolonged Tedium
January 31st, 2010Question
Dear WGR,
A while back I played this game called the “World of Warcraft” and created a shaman character who got very far in the game. HE got up to character level 63 and that is pretty high in the game (at least when I was playing it). My character casted totems to fight monsters. Some of the totems helped me out and the other totems fired weapons at the monsters.
I didn’t like the game but I kept playing because I was always reassured that it would get better as soon as I got one level higher or something. But it never did. I kept getting attacked by other players and they would keep guard over my body for hours so I could not resurrect. So I asked myself this question: “Why AM I playing this game where other people can make sure that I stay dead for hours on end?” After I asked myself that question, I realized that I should stop and put the game up on the shelf, so to speak (it doesn’t need the CD to play it). That was more than a year ago.
Recently, some of my co-workers got back into the game and they stopped playing Modern Warfare 2 for X-Bocks on Gaming Night. It was classic textbook abandonedment (sic). Now I’m having second thoughts about keeping the “World of Warcraft” up on that shelf, so to speak. Is this a difficult choice or what?
Sincerely,
Tired Of All The Quests
P.S. It was really weird how the totems didn’t stack on top of each other into a pole. I couldn’t figure that one out.
This is what I would do to fight the monsters.
Answer
Dear Tired Of All The Quests,
Level 63 is still kind of a high level these days in the “World of Warcraft”. As painful and exasperating as it may have been, I highly encourage you to not let your prior experiences sour you forever on the game. Remember, when the game gets boring, you can always watch your favorite movie or have music playing in another window. That is the beauty of it.
Sincerely,
WGR
